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Clutch Chatter -- September 2000RE News
|
Place | Time | Name | Vehicle |
SS | |||
1 | 101.547 | Kevin Klink | Pontiac Formula WS6 |
CS | |||
1 | 95.202 | Clemens Burger | Toyota MR2 |
2 | 100.873 | Jeff Alexander | Toyota MR2 |
3 | 106.328 | Sean Murphy | Pontiac Fiero |
DS | |||
1 | 100.436 | Brian Gard | Plymouth Neon ACR |
2 | 102.041 | Gustavo Hammerly | Honda CRX SI |
3 | 104.707 | Brett Striegel | Plymouth Neon ACR |
DSL | |||
1 | 103.714 | Cindy Fineberg | Dodge Neon ACR |
HS | |||
1 | 104.262 | Dave Alexander | Toyota MR4 |
2 | 110.749 | James Owens | VW Jetta TDI |
ASP | |||
1 | 96.108 | Jack Tovey | Chevrolet Corvette |
DSP | |||
1 | 99.385 | Andrew Bratt | Toyota Supra |
2 | 107.784 | Sean Harshey | VW Scirocco |
ESP | |||
1 | 100.408 | Paul Lazaro | Mitsubishi Eclipse GST |
AP | |||
1 | 93.658 | Lee Miller | Pontiac Fiero |
DP | |||
1 | 94.540 | Richard Atkins | Fiat X-1/9 |
BM | |||
1 | 84.281 | Bruce Faucett | Griffith Super V |
STS | |||
1 | 102.822 | Steve Linn | Nissan Sentra SE-R |
2 | 106.370 | Chris McGuire | VW Rabbit GTI |
3 | 108.636 | Martin Ausbrooks | Honda Accord |
4 | 109.044 | John Ausbrooks | Honda Accord |
STR | |||
1 | 101.967 | Alan Ausbrooks | Subaru Impreza RS |
S | |||
1 | 92.697 | Dave Hart | Comet Mach 1 |
S___ | |||
1 SES | 107.967 | Sam White | Ford Mustang LX 5.0 |
2 SES | 109.698 | Corey White | Ford Mustang LX 5.0 |
16th Street Speedway - August 20, 2000
Place | Time | Name | Vehicle |
SS | |||
1 | 52.962 | John Braunsdort | Maserati Merak |
AS | |||
1 | 40.246 | Todd Houtz | Porsche 944 Turbo |
2 | 41.353 | Steve Knitter | Porsche 911 Cabriolet |
3 | 42.210 | Christopher Welsh | BMW M3 |
4 | 43.080 | Sal Barbera | Honda S2000 |
5 | 43.359 | Scott Callahan | Porsche Boxter |
BS | |||
1 | 41.925 | Jay Hofacker | Mazda Miata |
BSL | |||
1 | 50.669 | Jodi White | Mazda Miata |
CS | |||
1 | 36.853 | Clemens Burger | Toyota MR2 |
2 | 43.281 | Jason Russell | |
3 | 44.047 | Marc Kerr | Pontiac Fiero |
4 | 44.557 | Jeff Alexander | Toyota MR2 |
5 | 45.928 | Stephen Brinkerhoff | Toyota MR2 |
DS | |||
1 | 38.786 | Bob Monday | Plymouth Neon ACR |
2 | 40.688 | Gustavo Hammerly | Honda CRX SI |
3 | 44.545 | Dan Sellers | Dodge Neon |
4 | 46.401 | Brett Wilson | Nissan 300ZX |
ES | |||
1 | 44.395 | Guy Dingman | Nissan 240SX |
2 | 44.937 | Brian Kinzie | Honda Civic |
3 | 51.289 | Andrew Tipton | VW GTI |
4 | 51.418 | Dave Johnson | Pontiac Fiero SE |
5 | 52.532 | Patrick Tipton | VW Golf GTI |
FS | |||
1 | 42.310 | David Johnson | Chevrolet Camaro Z28 |
2 | 44.170 | Darren Daubenspeck | Ford Mustang GT |
3 | 44.705 | Steve Povalac | Pontiac Firebird GTA |
GS | |||
1 | 39.366 | Harold Hammerly | Acura Integra-GSR |
2 | 40.225 | Lyle Freeman | Acura Integra |
3 | 40.961 | Kevin Resseguie | Acura Integra |
4 | 43.317 | Matt Chitwood | BMW 325is |
5 | 43.568 | Doug Copfer | Accura Integra |
6 | 44.988 | Rob Stokes | BMW 323ci |
7 | 45.606 | Ross Chitwood | BMW 325is |
8 | 46.973 | Carlos Santos | VW Passat |
HS | |||
1 | 43.032 | Dave Alexander | Toyota MR2 |
2 | 48.865 | Josh Locklear | Toyota Camry |
ASP | |||
1 | 39.923 | Jack Tovey | Chevrolet Corvette |
2 | 41.147 | Ted Drummond | |
CSP | |||
1 | 40.838 | Sherri DeCoursey | Mazda RX-7 |
2 | 41.572 | Shane Benson | Mazda Miata |
3 | 45.564 | Scott DeCoursey | Mazda RX-7 |
4 | 46.602 | Nick Judy | Mazda RX-7 |
5 | 47.393 | James Allen | |
DSP | |||
1 | 40.590 | Andrew Bratt | Toyota Supra |
ESP | |||
1 | 40.339 | Paul Lazaro | Mitsubishi Eclipse GST |
2 | 41.861 | Robert Burton | Pontiac Trans Am |
3 | 44.354 | Douglas Schrum | Mitsubishi Eclipse |
CP | |||
1 | 38.715 | Paul Fox | Chevrolet Corvair |
DM | |||
1 | 37.298 | Phil Wehman | Caterham Super Seven |
2 | 37.933 | Don Kline | Toyota MR2 |
3 | 42.894 | Tammy Kline | Toyota MR2 |
EM | |||
1 | 37.261 | Warren LeVeque | Chevrolet Corvair |
STS | |||
1 | 40.088 | Greg Murphy | Honda Civic EX |
2 | 41.944 | Chris McGuire | VW Rabbit GTI |
3 | 42.218 | Jon Kerns | VW GT-VR6 |
4 | 42.754 | Martin Ausbrooks | Honda Accord |
5 | 43.328 | Steve Linn | Nissan Sentra SE-R |
6 | 44.474 | John Ausbrooks | Honda Accord |
7 | 45.012 | James Lin | Acura Integra GS |
8 | 47.163 | Zach Bryant | Mercury Cougar |
STR | |||
1 | 41.123 | Alan Ausbrooks | Subaru Impreza RS |
N | |||
1 | 57.889 | Austin Nichols | Margay |
J | |||
1 | 53.999 | Ben Forsythe | Kart |
S | |||
1 | 35.380 | Scott Burton | Kart |
2 | 35.959 | Dave Hart | Comet Mach 1 |
3 | 40.929 | Greg Nichols | Emmick Express |
S___ | |||
1 SHS | 33.910 | Dennis Dunkman | Honda Civic EX |
2 SES | 35.602 | Corey White | Ford Mustang LX 5.0 |
3 SES | 35.922 | Sam White | Ford Mustang LX 5.0 |
SUNDAY, September 17
Indianapolis Speedrome - 802 South Kitley Avenue, Indianapolis - Corner of Kitley Avenue and Brookville Rd.
AUSTRALIAN PURSUT
Check It Out !!!
Karts Welcome!
(Contact Dave Hart for Rules)
It is the judgment of the Solo Safety Steward whether the
course design, surface, solid objects, and type of karts
running present an unsafe mix (2000 Rulebook 2.1.D).
Please contact the Solo Chairman prior to the event to
determine the likelihood of limitation or exclusion
occurring.
Gates Open: 9:00 AM
Registration & Tech: 9:30 AM - 10:30 AM
Driver's Meeting: 10:45 AM
Event Start: 11:00 AM
$15.00 Members - $18.00 Non-Members
Contact: Dave or Cathy Hart at (317) 849-2495 or dave.hart@insightbb.com
SUNDAY, October 1
Former Delco Remy Plant 3 Parking Lot
Directions:
Take I-69 North from Indy to the 2nd Anderson exit (Exit
26) (IN-9/IN-109). Turn left onto IN-9. Continue on IN-9
approximately 2.5 miles and take the 1st left after the 1st
railroad crossing. Watch for SCCA banners and orange
directional cones.
Rain or Shine
Karts Welcome!
(Contact Dave Hart for Rules)
It is the judgment of the Solo Safety Steward whether the
course design, surface, solid objects, and type of karts
running present an unsafe mix (2000 Rulebook 2.1.D).
Please contact the Solo Chairman prior to the event to
determine the likelihood of limitation or exclusion
occurring.
Registration & Tech: 9:30 AM - 10:30 AM
Driver's Meeting: 10:45 AM
Event Start: 11:00 AM
$15.00 Members - $18.00 Non-Members
Contact: Dave or Cathy Hart at (317) 849-2495 or dave.hart@insightbb.com
The only thing Ive got this month is a big congratulations to Ralph Porter on a Podium finish in the Neon Challenge at Road America. He was sixth on Saturday and third on Sunday. Way to go Ralphie
October 20-22, 2000
Note: This is a tentative schedule based on the information we have at this time.
Schedule:
Thursday: - Registration - 4:00 pm 8:00 pm
Friday: - Registration - 7:00 am 5:00 pm
- F&C Meeting @ Start/Finish - - 7:20 am
- Track Manned & Ready - 7:45 am
- Practice - 8:00 am 11:30 am
- Practice - 1:00 pm 5:30 pm
Saturday: - Registration - 7:00 am 5:00 pm
- F&C Meeting @ Start/Finish - - 7:20 am
- Track Manned & Ready - 7:45 am
- Practice - 8:00 am noon
- Qualifying - 1:15 pm 6:00 pm
Sunday: - Registration - 9:00 am 1:00 pm
- F&C Meeting @ Start/Finish - - 9:50 am
- Track Manned & Ready - 10:15 am
- Races - 10:30 am 6:00 pm
Event Officials:
Chief Steward - Terrence Garrett (317) 849-3543
Chief of T&S - tbd
Chief of Course - tbd
Chief of F&C - John Best (765) 642-2916
Chief of Pits - tbd
Chief of Grid - tbd
Chief Starter - tbd
Note: Registration, Tech, and Sound Control will not be staffed by Indy Region. Please come out and join us in one of the other specialties.
Five down and three events to go. The competitors seem happy with the events. So far we have only thrown out one leg in five events. That is a strong testimonial to the quality effort that our Rallymasters are investing in these events. And two of those events were put on by first time Rallymasters. I am very impressed.
Last month I said that I was seriously considering continuing as Rally Chairman if the new RE wants me to. That means that I am starting to think about the schedule. Anybody who is interested in being the Chairman for an event is encouraged to contact me, particularly if you would be interested in putting on an event early in the season (March, April, or May). The response to last months invitation has been very gratifying. I have four volunteers already. Again, all I can say is thank you. We are starting to develop some real enthusiasm in this program.
At this point in the season, we traditionally publish the standings for year end points to give you an idea about whether you have a chance for a year end trophy. We have some real races here. (See points on page 5.)
Sept 10 - Candi Is Dandi - Frank & Candi Pope
Oct 22 - October Tour - Ken & Deb Osiecki
Nov 19 - - - Dan Cook & Chuck Hanson
Pos. | Total | |
Team | Class | Points |
Carolyn George & James Cates | 1-B,T | 234 |
Candi & Frank Pope | 2-B,T | 344 |
King Doxsee & Don Reynolds | 3-B | 365 |
Donna & Bob Dennison | 1-N,T | 376 |
Jack & Carla Morris | 2-N,T | 397 |
Jim & Jackie Bredle | 1-A,T | 488 |
E. Benton Tackitt, III & IV | 1-C,T | 497 |
Jennifer & Terry Ireland | 3-N | 734 |
John & Susan Ausbrooks | 4-N | 770 |
John Marshall & Roger Bland | 4-B | 908 |
Mike Andrews & Karl Knuth | 5-B | 998 |
Nicole Bosler & Mike Curtis | 5-N | 1186 |
Ryanne Hofheinz & Molly Butters | 6-N | 1236 |
Sunday, September 10
Slight change of plans. Candi is the only choice. This will be a Touring rally similar to the other events that we have presented this season. The event is run entirely on paved roads and will be slightly under 100 miles in length. Checkpoints will be a combination of Open, DIY and Closed. (A closed control is one where you are timed, but do not stop. It kind of puts a premium on your ability to be on time between open controls.) Because Frank had been working on a concurrent trap rally, there are lots of loops in the course. You will probably see significantly more rally traffic during the event (going the other way). Run your own event.
Start at the Wal-Mart on East Washington St. in Indianapolis (across from Washington Square Mall). End at Applebys in New Castle. Use I-70 or SR 38 to return home.
SCHEDULE:
Registration: - 12:00 12:45 PM
Drivers Meeting: - 12:45 PM
First car starts course: - 1:01 PM
First car completes course: - Approximately 4:30 PM
Members of SCCA: $10 - Nonmembers: $20
For further information: Charles Hanson (317) 780 - 9007 (Leave a name and phone number if you get voice mail. I travel a lot.)
NAME | Mem. | Work | 4/2 | 5/20 | 6/25 | 7/30 | 8/19 | Total Pts. |
CLASS "A" | ||||||||
Jim Bredle | Y | Y | 12 | 6 | 7 | 12 | 12 | 49 |
Jackie Bredle | N | N | 12 | 12 | 24 | |||
Damon Beals | N | N | 6 | 7 | 13 | |||
Ken Osiecki | Y | Y | 12 | 12 | ||||
Kurt, Lisa, Dustin, & Alex Weisner | Y | Y | 12 | 12 | ||||
Steve Phillips | Y | N | 2 | 9 | 11 | |||
Paul Gilbert | Y | N | 9 | 9 | ||||
Carolyn Phillips | N | N | 2 | 2 | ||||
CLASS "B" | ||||||||
Frank & Candice Pope | Y | Y | 12 | 12 | 12 | 12 | 9 | 57 |
King Doxsee | N | N | 9 | 5 | 9 | 7 | 30 | |
Don Reynolds | N | N | 9 | 5 | 9 | 7 | 30 | |
John Marshall | Y | N | 7 | 7 | 4 | 6 | 24 | |
Roger Bland | N | N | 7 | 7 | 4 | 6 | 24 | |
Carolyn George | N | N | 1 | 6 | 12 | 19 | ||
James Cates | N | N | 1 | 6 | 12 | 19 | ||
Mike Andrews | N | N | 5 | 5 | 10 | |||
Mary Anne Butters | N | N | 7 | 7 | ||||
Steve Behr | N | N | 7 | 7 | ||||
Karl Knuth | N | N | 5 | 5 | ||||
CLASS "C" | ||||||||
Dave & Roberta DeBolt | Y | Y | 6 | 5 | 12 | 9 | 32 | |
Bob Farr | Y | N | 12 | 12 | 7 | 31 | ||
Pam Farr | Y | N | 12 | 12 | 7 | 31 | ||
Benton Tackitt III | Y | N | 6 | 12 | 12 | 30 | ||
Benton Tackitt IV | N | N | 6 | 12 | 12 | 30 | ||
Richard & Janet Atkins | Y | N | 7 | 3 | 9 | 6 | 25 | |
Julie Partridge | Y | Y | 12 | 12 | ||||
Deanie Joseph | Y | Y | 12 | 12 | ||||
Dan & Ann Cook | Y | Y | 9 | 9 | ||||
Jo Seymour | Y | Y | 5 | 4 | 9 | |||
Dave & Jeff Alexander | Y | N | 3 | 2 | 5 | |||
Bob Seymour | Y | Y | 5 | 5 | ||||
Michael & Jenny McGraw | N | N | 5 | 5 | ||||
Turner Woodard | Y | N | 3 | 3 | ||||
Tom Cancilla | N | N | 3 | 3 | ||||
CLASS "NOVICE" | ||||||||
Terry & Jennifer Ireland | N | N | 7 | 6 | 2 | 7 | 22 | |
Alan Ausbrooks | Y | N | 7 | 12 | 19 | |||
Andrea Hutson | N | N | 7 | 12 | 19 | |||
Paul Lazaro | T | N | 12 | 7 | 19 | |||
Jack & Carla Morris | N | N | 9 | 9 | 18 | |||
John & Susan Ausbrooks | Y | N | 9 | 6 | 15 | |||
Steve Berenyi | N | N | 12 | 12 | ||||
Andrew Bratt & Terisa Lloyd | Y | N | 12 | 12 | ||||
Susan Fleener | N | N | 12 | 12 | ||||
Harold Apple | N | N | 12 | 12 | ||||
Donna & Bob Dennison | N | N | 12 | 12 | ||||
Nicole Bosier | N | N | 7 | 5 | 12 | |||
Molly Butters | N | N | 7 | 4 | 11 | |||
Yngvar Brynildssen | Y | N | 9 | 9 | ||||
Karen Collins | N | N | 9 | 9 | ||||
David & Ellen Johnson | Y | N | 9 | 9 | ||||
Steve Fernald, Jr. | N | N | 7 | 7 | ||||
Clint & Rachel Sigler | N | N | 6 | 6 | ||||
Taylor Woodard | N | N | 6 | 6 | ||||
Nan Ruby | N | N | 6 | 6 | ||||
Arpad Pataki | Y | N | 5 | 5 | ||||
Laszlo Tikk | N | N | 5 | 5 | ||||
Floyd & Lana Ireland | N | N | 5 | 5 | ||||
David Markland | N | N | 5 | 5 | ||||
Carolyn Goelz | N | N | 4 | 4 | ||||
KaAnne Morris | N | N | 4 | 4 | ||||
Jim & Cheryl Schneider | N | N | 4 | 4 | ||||
Ryanne Hofheinz | N | N | 4 | 4 | ||||
Tess & Jennifer Ireland | N | N | 3 | 3 | ||||
Carlos E. & Carlos R. Santos | N | N | 1 | 1 | ||||
Tim Young | N | N | 0 | 0 | ||||
Dina Hinshaw | N | N | 0 | 0 | ||||
Jonathon & Ginger Santos | N | N | 0 | 0 | ||||
David & Terri Stacy | N | N | 0 | 0 | ||||
Mike & Penny Andrews | N | N | 0 | 0 |
7217 Creekwood Court, Pittsboro, IN 46167-9798
Phone: 317-892-6572 - Email:pete@petehylton.org
Fax: 317-892-4206 - Web Site: www.petehylton.org
The Future: I have just returned from the August SCCA Board of Directors meeting, and wanted to send out an update of what went on. First off, I want to say that I have been impressed with the activities of our brand new President, Steve Johnson. He has overcome my initial doubts about not having much SCCA background. He has attended numerous events in his opening weeks, meeting people, seeing how we do things, and even pitching in as a worker at races and solos. He has been calling Regional Executives and randomly selected members each week. He is definitely trying to find out as much about us as he can as quickly as he can. And he is making friends at each encounter with his obvious enthusiasm for the sport. When you get the chance to meet him I believe you will be pleasantly surprised, as I have been. Steve believes strongly that the SCCA needs a strategic plan for the future. The BoD agrees, and has asked the Planning Committee, of which I am Chairman, to work with Steve and the staff to formulate the philosophy, goals and implementation strategy which would make up such a plan.
Another issue of strategic concern is SCCA Enterprises. Although this arm of our organization has become profitable in recent years, that does not change the fact that many of us feel that SCCA should never have gotten into the car building business. For this reason, the BoD has announced that it will consider divesting itself of Enterprises in the next couple of years. No offer is currently on the table, and no decisions have been made. But we are going to look at the possibility and your opinions on the subject are welcome.
Convention: The staff has taken to heart the comments that came out of last years convention, and the format for the 2001 convention (Jan 31-Feb 4) will be much enhanced. There will be an emphasis on business, with a major RE training seminar, seminars for all specialties, and town hall meetings for all our activity areas. But there will also be a lot of opportunity for fun, with banquets, go-kart racing, a possible road rally, and other schemes yet to be announced. I urge every region to send at least one representative to keep your local club informed and involved.
Solo: Several recommendations from the Solo Events Board were approved, including regulations to govern passengers riding in cars during Solo runs. For details please see the published minutes. I would like to point out that there is a proposal to realign the stock classes. This has been published for member input and your opinions will be solicited through the time of the Solo Nationals. Make sure your opinion is heard, because by October I expect that this could come to the BoD for action.
Speaking of the Tire Rack Solo II National Championships, a record number of entries are pouring in and we may hit a 1200 car limit. We may be looking at having to expand the event from four days to six in the future. National Tour events and ProSolo National Series events are experiencing big increases in attendance this year too. In fact the ProSolos are averaging 170 cars per event so far, way up from the past. A monthly column on our Solo programs is about to begin appearing in Sport Compact Car Magazine. With exposure like this, who knows how high our Solo participation will peak.
I also wanted to let you know that The BF Goodrich Cen-Div Solo II Championship Series is beginning to solicit regions to host events in 2001. This series consists of eight events per year, spread around Central Division. The series is in its 15th year and is home to most of the top competitors in this part of the country. It is also a great place for newer competitors to hone their skills as they move up the Solo competition ladder. If your region has a Solo program, I would urge you to consider contacting the series Co-Chairman, Marlene Obenour (219-637-2009) about the possibility of your staging one of the series events next year.
Club Racing: A number of previously published proposals from the Competition Board were acted upon. One for car preparers to take note of is the redefinition of measurement standards used when interpreting dimensions. An announcement is also being made regarding the return to Yokohama tires for the Spec Racer program next year. Two things which did not see action were the GT Rules and fuel testing. The items which arose out of the so called "GT Summit" meeting are still being debated by the Comp Board, and it now appears that none of the possible GT rules revisions will be presented until next year, which means that they cannot be effective before 2002. As for fuel testing, the Competition Board has expressed a willingness to reconsider the current minimum dielectric constant value for racing fuel prior to the start of next year. However, yet another unpleasant fuel additive has arrived on the scene which has less effect on the DC and therefore complicates the issue somewhat.
A mid-season review of Club Racing car counts was reviewed. Of those classes which were flurting with the minimum number last year, all appear to be making it this year except for T1. This class, which the BoD created on its own initiative a couple of years ago, has never made the necessary numbers to achieve or maintain National status. It was supposed to lose that status if it could not make the required 3.5 car per race average this year. While the class average had more than doubled from last year, it was still clear that 3.5 would not be attained. However, some Board members still felt that the class had viability and that the two fold increase in entries this year justified an extension of the time limit to make the required average. For that reason a motion was made to give T1 two more years to make the 3.5 average. I was one of four members who adamantly voted "no" on this motion, feeling that it was well past time to admit that the initial BoD decision to create the class had been a bad one. However, by a narrow margin, the motion passed prolonging the life of T1.
Make sure you are at the Indy Region Hayride and Chili Cookoff on Friday, October 13. See the ad on page 1 for details. Meanwhile, enjoy this story from a friend named Frank who was on a recent visit to Texas:
"Recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."
Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili:
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could remove
dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers
to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These
hicks are crazy.
Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili:
JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight
Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, but needs more peppers to
be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure
what I am supposed to taste besides PAIN. I had to wave
off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich
maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line.
Thank goodness for the beer!
Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili:
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs
more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of
red peppers.
FRANK: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I've
located an active uranium spill. My nose feels like I
have been sneezing Drano. Everyone knows the routine by
now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer
wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is
in the front part of my chest.
Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic:
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice.
Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side
dish for fish or other mild foods, but not much of a
chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but
was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing
behind me with fresh refills so I wouldn't have to dash
over to see her.
Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover:
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly
ground adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more
tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong
statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my
eyes. I belched and four people in front of me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told her
that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my
tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher.
Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked
me to stop screaming.
Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety:
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good
balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers,
onions, and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me
except Sally. I may have soiled myself, not sure, it may
be chili. Sally continues to put out my internal flames
with cold beer.
Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili:
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on
canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned
chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am
worried about Judge Number 3, he appears to be in a bit
of distress.
FRANK: You could put a hand grenade in my mouth and pull
the pin and I wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight in
one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing
water. My clothes are covered with chili which slid
unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Good, at my
autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop
breathing, it's too painful and I'm not getting any
oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just let it in through
the hole in my stomach.
Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili:
JUDGE ONE: This final entry is a good, balanced chili,
neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was
lost when Judge Number 3 fell and pulled the chili pot on
top of himself.
JUDGE TWO: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili,
safe for all, not too bold, but spicy enough to declare
its existence.
FRANK: ------------------
FOR SALE: 10 x 20 Canopy with Galvanized Steel Frame (complete). Only used a couple of weekends. Original price $200. Asking $100. Call Dave Dudgeon (317)357-1089. (8/00)
FOR SALE: 1995 Dodge Neon ACR damage to right rear quarter. Asking $2500 or best offer. Call Ralph Porter (765)457-9034 after 4 PM. (8/00)